Category: Get help

Today is Mental Health Awareness Day

On By debdebtigIn Depression, Get help, Getting better, WellnessLeave a comment

Today, I will share my truth. I am plagued by depression. Depression doesn’t have me, but depression does fight with me.

It fights with me to stay in bed and not start the day.

It fights with me to not be positive and bring light to the world.

It fights with me to not go out shopping.

It fights with me to not go visit my grandbabies.

It fights with me to not go out and play with the dog.

Know this:

I WILL get out of bed and start my day!

I WILL continue to be positive and try to bring a light to the world.

I WILL go shopping when I need to (Yup, today).

I WILL continue to go visit my grandbabies to enjoy their beautiful light and love.

I WILL go outside and enjoy the sun and play with Teddy.

Depression may plague me, but, *I* will define me!

A very important show!

On By debdebtigIn Depression, Fear, Get helpLeave a comment

I haven’t been posting lately. This episode of Chaos and Kindness reminded me of my blog and all of you! I’ll be back and picking up again soon.

First, if you get a chance please watch the 5 October 2018 episode of Chaos and Kindness on WMUR in NH. Jason from Recycled Percussion does an awesome job shining a light on the important topic of Mental Illness.

You are NOT alone in this! So many people that you’d never guess are or have been fighting this! See you soon!

Chaos and Kindness link for 05October2018

Depression and memory loss…

On By debdebtigIn Depression, Forgetful, Forgot, Get help, Getting betterLeave a comment

Ever notice how your depressed friend seems to forget stuff? I didn’t realize when it was happening how bad the memory loss was. Looking back at my worst periods of depression I see it now.

I’d get those calls and messages from friends ‘hey did you forget to send me that info?’ Or ‘hey did you ship that thing?’ Or even ‘umm did you forget you were coming over?’ And yes I’d forget everything! Can you imagine how horrible that makes you feel when you were doing something nice for someone and a few weeks later they ask if you sent it only to realize ‘oh crap! I forgot again!’

If I ‘forgot’ about you in the past just know it wasn’t about you! It wasn’t that I didn’t care. It’s simply a horrible symptom of depression. And the more depressed you are the worse the memory loss can be! Of course, the more you realize that you forgot the worse you feel about forgetting and that causes you to beat yourself up even more making you more depressed. It’s a horrible and painful cycle.

If your there forgive yourself. If your friend is there forgive them! It’s not their fault! And if your there look for tools to help. To do lists do wonders. But don’t over do them either. They can be overwhelming for you if your depressed and can’t seem to get through them. Break stuff down into little parts and do what you can when you can. Every accomplishment helps! Even the tiny ones.

Hang in there. Your loved and I hope this helps you know you are NOT alone!

Rainy days…

On By debdebtigIn Bad day, Depression, Get help, Rain, Rainy dayLeave a comment

It’s such a rainy day today here in NH it reminded me of how down I would feel whenever it was raining. I swear the rain enhances depression. When I was depressed and it was a rainy day it was so incredibly hard to get out of bed. Days like today would be a day of just wanting to stay in bed and cry. Know if this is you today you aren’t alone. There are so many people silently dealing with depression.

I’m glad today isn’t that type of day for me today. I’m planning on doing some cleaning and organizing today. Actually continue what I started last night. If you know someone that is depressed during this rainy day reach out to them. Check in on them and see how they are doing. Know that rainy days are hard. For those dealing with depression know you don’t have to deal with this alone. Please reach out to a friend. Or just reach out and say hi. People care. They really do. You’ll never know until you reach out for help.

I pray this touches the heart of someone that needs it today. Thinking of each and every one of you. Have a blessed rainy Sunday.

Abuse is never ok and not always visible…

On By debdebtigIn Bad day, Depression, Fear, Get help, Getting betterLeave a comment

I mentioned a couple posts ago about how I was so depressed I was in a ball every day at the same time. I didn’t know then that I was actually being abused. Abuse is not always physical or even something you can see. Sometimes it’s verbal. It’s the words that are shouted at you. When every word you hear behind closed doors tell you how awful you are. That you’re an awful person. An awful mother. And so many swear words. That you’ll never go anywhere because of what will happen if you do. It’s hard. So hard. And you try to hide it from your family. Especially your children.

Please if you are going through this or know someone that is please reach out and get help. You can escape. It may not be easy. But you can live again. You can get your life back. Don’t let anyone take it out on you.

I’m proof that you can survive. I pray this post reaches the person that needs to hear/read this.

Looking back…

On By debdebtigIn Bad day, Depression, Fear, Get help, Getting betterLeave a comment

Sometimes you need to reflect on where you’ve been to see how far you’ve come. I’m sharing this story of one of the worst periods of my life to show you what can be overcome.

At the time I had found out some pretty terrible things were going on and I bottled it up inside me where even I couldn’t find it. This is the time just before I had those memories come back to me. I felt something was very very wrong but didn’t know for sure what it was. Psychologists will tell you that your mind is very good at protecting you from things that you can’t handle. Mine definitely did that.

Without knowing why, every day around 2-3pm I would start shaking uncontrollably. I’d be angry and sad and enraged and terrified all at once. I knew enough to tell my kids to go. Go outside to play or go to my friend’s house up the street. By the time 2:30 came around I was shaking so hard like the world was about to crumble at my feet and I didn’t know what was scaring me. Every single day for weeks this went on and every single day I would end up curled into a little ball (fetus position according to doctors) on a stool in my kitchen. And then my husband would come home from work.

He would ask where the kids were and I’d mumble an answer and slowly, ever so slowly I’d come out of the ball and do wife things like make dinner. I felt like a robot. I don’t even remember how I moved. But I knew I had to. I needed to take care of my babies. All I knew was I needed to keep them safe. Not sure why or how. I just did. And that’s what I did every day until the marriage ended.

I truly don’t know if this lasted 2 weeks or 3 months. I just know it happened every day like clockwork.

I’m here to say I’m alive. We made it through that time. It wasn’t easy it wasn’t fun and once my memory came back it was pretty close to hell on earth. But today we are alive and well and so so much better.

Sharing because you need to know. You need to know life can go on. Life can get better. And YOU are good enough. You will survive. And YOU can flourish in life. I’m so glad we escaped. Hang in there. And get someplace safe if this is you. Please call for help. You may not know why (I didn’t) but just get out and get help!

I ask the Lord to bless and protect each and every person that reads this. Please keep them safe.