Depression and Cleanliness

Do you have a depressed friend that can never seem to get their house clean? Always dishes in the sink or the floor really needing to be vacuumed? Thinking back to my absolute worst days I can see my houses at those times and I just cringe at the sight. Clothes everywhere rather than in the basket. Dishes in the sink. And vacuum? You’ve got to be kidding.

Know that even if your friend doesn’t know they are depressed you are probably seeing someone that is having a really rough time. I had so many times where my house became the first visible sign of how bad my depression had gotten. I remember my mother saying ‘a messy house is a sign of a messy mind’ and she was usually right. How could I possibly wrap my head around cleaning my house when I couldn’t wrap my head around clearing the clutter in my mind?

Some opposites happened as well. A couple times I was smart enough to help someone else out financially while I dealt with the depression rather than making the depression worse by trying to clean or organize. On the other hand there were times where a specific thing would be neat and organized to the nth degree. I was told once by a psychologist that it was because it made me feel better to be able to control that one thing.

If you have a friend or family member going through this don’t JUDGE them, help them. Find out what’s wrong and how you can help pull them OUT of the depression even a little bit. Anything could help.

Yeah, I still see days when stuff builds up but nothing like I have before. And man am I glad I recognize it for what it is when it starts. If this is you. Just tackle it once piece at a time. Don’t get overwhelmed and take care of you! Ask for help if you need it.

Missing pieces…

First off, yesterday was an awesome birthday one of the best I’ve had in years. I think there are a few things that come into play.

  • My depression is mostly at bay for the first time in years
  • I had a wonderful call from my fiancé where he sang me Happy Birthday and O tried to sing with him
  • My grandson came over to spend the weekend (he always makes me smile)
  • A wonderful group of friends and family came over and surprised me with lunch out and my favorite carrot cake YUM!

There were definitely some missing puzzle pieces to the best possible day. My kids were all working or far away and my fiancé was many many miles away.

Here is hoping that next year is even better. All it’ll take is a few less miles and some time with my babies.

So thankful for the amazing day yesterday!

❤️❤️❤️

Happy birthday to us

Since my mother passed many years ago I have always wanted to ignore my birthday. You see I was her birthday present. So for me it just didn’t seem the same without her. And being in a deep depression for so long having our birthday seriously just made it so much worse as I miss her dearly even after all this time.

This year I’m in a much better place emotionally so I’m planning on it being a better day. I’m even planning things to do. I never wanted to do anything and always felt annoyed while thankful when others did something.

Tomorrow I’m spending the day with one of the most wonderful gifts the Lord has given me. My sweet grandson. And as an extra blessing we may get a visit from a few of our other favorite people.

It’s been a long time since I looked forward to my birthday. Here’s to us Mama and the blessing of sharing a birthday with two wonderful women! Yup 2! It’s also my father’s mother’s birthday. Miss you too Grandma. Here’s to enjoying the day and spending it having fun with my little buddy.

Have a wonderful day. Time to make new memories in honor of past wonderful memories. ❤️

Noticeable difference…

Today I went to a birthday party for a sweet little girl that I've loved dearly since the day she was born. The interesting part of today was the realization to myself at how different I felt while at the party. Her party has been in this same place many times. She loves it there! But the difference wasn't just the age of the sweet little girl, she's growing up way too fast, the difference was I felt great being there!

So in the past I went because I love going and spending time with family and friends for the party. No doubt about that. But at the same time I was in such a deep depression that it took everything in me to make it through the day! If you've ever been depressed you know what I mean. It almost feels like you are walking through cement. You push and push and put on a happy face. You want to have fun your body is fighting you constantly.

Today was SO different! I had a blast! My heart was full of joy and happiness. I feel so blessed to finally be coming out of my depression!

This also reminded me of the fact that so many had tried to help me through these days. I really think I survived some of them only through their support and the joy in the little girls face. She definitely loves her auntie. And her auntie loves her too.

So blessed. You are too. Chin up. You can do it. We all can! My prayer is that some day you have a day of realization like I had today when you truly feel the happiness of yourself and the ones around you. You can and you will. Have faith.

Truth…

I was so excited to get off my meds for the first time in years. It seems that life and my body disagree with me that it was time. Instead of coming off completely I've been able to reduce them. That's still a huge step for me. And I am truly grateful that I have a supportive doctor that listens to me. I realized how awful I was feeling on my 'off' days and called them and said nope seems I'm not ready to be completely off them yet.

You definitely need to listen to your body when reducing medication even with doctor supervision. If I had just continued on even though I was sick and still feeling off/down emotionally I wouldn't be in the good place I am right now. So this post is to remind you AND me to listen to your body. It does know what it needs. Mine needs a little less antidepressants and my Thrive. I feel so great now. I love feeling energy and not feeling depressed. I truly forgot how this felt.

How are you feeling? What is helping you? Leave a comment. I'd love to hear from you. And want to know if my blog is helping you too.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Positivity is Awesome but Difficult Sometimes

Many see me and see that I am a very positive happy person. I am, by choice, not because my life is perfect, not because everything is going wonderful, but because I CHOOSE to be positive and happy.

There were many years where I just thought that I'd never be happy again. Then one day I realized that no matter what is going on in life I can make it better. Sure, I've been depressed for years and years. But I decided a few years ago to do what I want and do what I enjoy. And smiling, even when I'm sad actually makes me feel better. Even just a little better could be huge when depression is kicking your butt. And yes it's hard to smile on those days. But smiling on the outside actually helps on the inside. You trick your body!

Don't believe me? Try it. Just for one day try smiling even when you don't want to. Smiling will help you notice the little things that do make you happy. Seeing those will make you want to smile more! And the more you appreciate those little things the more it'll help you feel happier. And just a little happier can be HUGE when you're depressed.

I hope you take a minute or a day to try it. Smile. It's contagious and makes people wonder what you're up to. 😃

Where I am Today…

Thank you all for stopping by and the many that have reached out via comments, email, texts, and facebook. Wow! You reminded me of why I chose to share my story with all of you! As it turns out, I was right! Most people had no idea that I had been dealing with depression for so long!

I have to really think about this, when did I first start taking anti-depressants? Just guessing, probably around 1995. So, 22 years ago (oops not 32)? Wow, I knew it seemed like forever.

So, here’s the best part, I’m doing so much better. Next week, for the first time, at least on purpose and with a doctor’s Ok, since starting taking them, I will officially be OFF anti-depressants! And, I’m happier and healthier than I have been in many years. Looking back, I know for a fact I wasn’t very happy in the early 90s. I was at the end of my 2nd marriage at that point.

I’m amazed and thankful for how I am physically feeling.

More energy, eating better, and just overall wellbeing! Love love love it!

Come back soon. I’m going to share a few of details from some of my worst days and how God, doctors, family, and friends have saved me emotionally and physically in the past.