Signs you may not notice…

So, you’ve noticed that your friend only seems to do stuff with one or two other people and you wonder why. Everything you see on Facebook is so upbeat and positive. They must be doing awesome, right?

Truth, no! Just because everything looks great from the outside does NOT mean everything is wonderful on the inside. If you checked you’d find that the reason they only seem to do things with one or two people is because they check in on them and convince them to get out of the house. Even if it’s just to go visit. Maybe, they don’t post on Facebook except to post good things because they don’t share the negative. Maybe, just maybe, they just don’t want the world to know how down they really are. Maybe they try really really hard to stay positive and just sometimes find that really hard to do.

Don’t assume you’re being ignored if they don’t reach out. Don’t assume they don’t want to spend time with you. Just check in. Check to see if maybe they are fighting a real depression that takes control when they just can’t take it any more. If this is you or your friend or family member, remember everyone may need help at some point. You aren’t alone. Depression can hit anyone.

Rainy days…

It’s such a rainy day today here in NH it reminded me of how down I would feel whenever it was raining. I swear the rain enhances depression. When I was depressed and it was a rainy day it was so incredibly hard to get out of bed. Days like today would be a day of just wanting to stay in bed and cry. Know if this is you today you aren’t alone. There are so many people silently dealing with depression.

I’m glad today isn’t that type of day for me today. I’m planning on doing some cleaning and organizing today. Actually continue what I started last night. If you know someone that is depressed during this rainy day reach out to them. Check in on them and see how they are doing. Know that rainy days are hard. For those dealing with depression know you don’t have to deal with this alone. Please reach out to a friend. Or just reach out and say hi. People care. They really do. You’ll never know until you reach out for help.

I pray this touches the heart of someone that needs it today. Thinking of each and every one of you. Have a blessed rainy Sunday.

Abuse is never ok and not always visible…

I mentioned a couple posts ago about how I was so depressed I was in a ball every day at the same time. I didn’t know then that I was actually being abused. Abuse is not always physical or even something you can see. Sometimes it’s verbal. It’s the words that are shouted at you. When every word you hear behind closed doors tell you how awful you are. That you’re an awful person. An awful mother. And so many swear words. That you’ll never go anywhere because of what will happen if you do. It’s hard. So hard. And you try to hide it from your family. Especially your children.

Please if you are going through this or know someone that is please reach out and get help. You can escape. It may not be easy. But you can live again. You can get your life back. Don’t let anyone take it out on you.

I’m proof that you can survive. I pray this post reaches the person that needs to hear/read this.

Looking back…

Sometimes you need to reflect on where you’ve been to see how far you’ve come. I’m sharing this story of one of the worst periods of my life to show you what can be overcome.

At the time I had found out some pretty terrible things were going on and I bottled it up inside me where even I couldn’t find it. This is the time just before I had those memories come back to me. I felt something was very very wrong but didn’t know for sure what it was. Psychologists will tell you that your mind is very good at protecting you from things that you can’t handle. Mine definitely did that.

Without knowing why, every day around 2-3pm I would start shaking uncontrollably. I’d be angry and sad and enraged and terrified all at once. I knew enough to tell my kids to go. Go outside to play or go to my friend’s house up the street. By the time 2:30 came around I was shaking so hard like the world was about to crumble at my feet and I didn’t know what was scaring me. Every single day for weeks this went on and every single day I would end up curled into a little ball (fetus position according to doctors) on a stool in my kitchen. And then my husband would come home from work.

He would ask where the kids were and I’d mumble an answer and slowly, ever so slowly I’d come out of the ball and do wife things like make dinner. I felt like a robot. I don’t even remember how I moved. But I knew I had to. I needed to take care of my babies. All I knew was I needed to keep them safe. Not sure why or how. I just did. And that’s what I did every day until the marriage ended.

I truly don’t know if this lasted 2 weeks or 3 months. I just know it happened every day like clockwork.

I’m here to say I’m alive. We made it through that time. It wasn’t easy it wasn’t fun and once my memory came back it was pretty close to hell on earth. But today we are alive and well and so so much better.

Sharing because you need to know. You need to know life can go on. Life can get better. And YOU are good enough. You will survive. And YOU can flourish in life. I’m so glad we escaped. Hang in there. And get someplace safe if this is you. Please call for help. You may not know why (I didn’t) but just get out and get help!

I ask the Lord to bless and protect each and every person that reads this. Please keep them safe.

Thankful for Unanswered Prayers

Many years ago I was in such a horrible place emotionally. We lived in a town next to the railroad tracks and this day I thought I just couldn't take it any more. I was in a horrible marriage with a man that wasn't the man I thought he was (he was actually worse than I knew at this point) and a drug addict (I didn't want to believe it) that was making it nearly impossible to pay our bills or keep our apartment. We had recently lost our house and cars and I just didn't think it was worth another day.

I walked along those railroad tracks praying for a train to come. It never came and I finally went back home to my babies. So glad that train never came. My babies needed me even more than I knew at the time. Please remember you aren't alone. We have all had horrible days that you may never know about. I've never told anyone, until now, how bad it was that day. How truly dead I felt.

So glad that God doesn't always answer prayers. Especially ones like this. Kiss those kids one more time and know that He is watching and is there even if he doesn't answer right away.

🙏🏻Praying that this reminds you that you are loved and that it touches your heart.🙏🏻