Busy bee…

I’ve been a bit absent here lately, for that I apologize. There is a lot going on in my world. I’m excited to start planning our weddings. (Yes, multiple as we are a multi-continent couple.) It’s interesting how quiet times can be either sad because I miss him so much or hectic because I’m so busy thinking about everything that needs to get done.

I hope this finds you happily active today and that you’re finding time to enjoy life not dwell on it. Take care and God Bless.

Missing pieces…

First off, yesterday was an awesome birthday one of the best I’ve had in years. I think there are a few things that come into play.

  • My depression is mostly at bay for the first time in years
  • I had a wonderful call from my fiancé where he sang me Happy Birthday and O tried to sing with him
  • My grandson came over to spend the weekend (he always makes me smile)
  • A wonderful group of friends and family came over and surprised me with lunch out and my favorite carrot cake YUM!

There were definitely some missing puzzle pieces to the best possible day. My kids were all working or far away and my fiancé was many many miles away.

Here is hoping that next year is even better. All it’ll take is a few less miles and some time with my babies.

So thankful for the amazing day yesterday!

❤️❤️❤️

Happy birthday to us

Since my mother passed many years ago I have always wanted to ignore my birthday. You see I was her birthday present. So for me it just didn’t seem the same without her. And being in a deep depression for so long having our birthday seriously just made it so much worse as I miss her dearly even after all this time.

This year I’m in a much better place emotionally so I’m planning on it being a better day. I’m even planning things to do. I never wanted to do anything and always felt annoyed while thankful when others did something.

Tomorrow I’m spending the day with one of the most wonderful gifts the Lord has given me. My sweet grandson. And as an extra blessing we may get a visit from a few of our other favorite people.

It’s been a long time since I looked forward to my birthday. Here’s to us Mama and the blessing of sharing a birthday with two wonderful women! Yup 2! It’s also my father’s mother’s birthday. Miss you too Grandma. Here’s to enjoying the day and spending it having fun with my little buddy.

Have a wonderful day. Time to make new memories in honor of past wonderful memories. ❤️

Noticeable difference…

Today I went to a birthday party for a sweet little girl that I've loved dearly since the day she was born. The interesting part of today was the realization to myself at how different I felt while at the party. Her party has been in this same place many times. She loves it there! But the difference wasn't just the age of the sweet little girl, she's growing up way too fast, the difference was I felt great being there!

So in the past I went because I love going and spending time with family and friends for the party. No doubt about that. But at the same time I was in such a deep depression that it took everything in me to make it through the day! If you've ever been depressed you know what I mean. It almost feels like you are walking through cement. You push and push and put on a happy face. You want to have fun your body is fighting you constantly.

Today was SO different! I had a blast! My heart was full of joy and happiness. I feel so blessed to finally be coming out of my depression!

This also reminded me of the fact that so many had tried to help me through these days. I really think I survived some of them only through their support and the joy in the little girls face. She definitely loves her auntie. And her auntie loves her too.

So blessed. You are too. Chin up. You can do it. We all can! My prayer is that some day you have a day of realization like I had today when you truly feel the happiness of yourself and the ones around you. You can and you will. Have faith.

Positivity is Awesome but Difficult Sometimes

Many see me and see that I am a very positive happy person. I am, by choice, not because my life is perfect, not because everything is going wonderful, but because I CHOOSE to be positive and happy.

There were many years where I just thought that I'd never be happy again. Then one day I realized that no matter what is going on in life I can make it better. Sure, I've been depressed for years and years. But I decided a few years ago to do what I want and do what I enjoy. And smiling, even when I'm sad actually makes me feel better. Even just a little better could be huge when depression is kicking your butt. And yes it's hard to smile on those days. But smiling on the outside actually helps on the inside. You trick your body!

Don't believe me? Try it. Just for one day try smiling even when you don't want to. Smiling will help you notice the little things that do make you happy. Seeing those will make you want to smile more! And the more you appreciate those little things the more it'll help you feel happier. And just a little happier can be HUGE when you're depressed.

I hope you take a minute or a day to try it. Smile. It's contagious and makes people wonder what you're up to. 😃

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Welcome! What’s with the new blog?

Hi there. I'm glad you found my new blog. A lot has happened in my life over the last few years and a big part of it I never talk about. This blog is my stepping outside of the past and talking about the part of me that I've hid from all but my closest friends for over a decade if not multiple decades.

I have been dealing with severe depression for MANY years now. I'm finally in a place where I can share. And maybe, just maybe, my experience will help someone out there realize that they can get help and it CAN get better! I'm living proof that you can survive depression and conquer it! You CAN live the life you were MEANT to live! Please, just know, you are NOT alone. That woman, child, husband, friend sitting beside you may very well be dealing with severe depression without you knowing it. If they are like me they try very very hard to hide it. They want the world to think everything is fine. Everything is wonderful. While, at the same time they feel like they are dying inside. They feel like the world would be better off without them. Guess what! If you're the one with those thoughts going on inside your head, the world WILL NOT be better off without you! I had those thoughts too. I was wrong. So are you. There is a reason you are here. You may not know what it is yet, but there is a reason.

Overtime I will use this blog to both update you on my progress and to discuss things that have happened in the past. Things that most people don't know about. Things that will help you understand me, the real me, the one surviving and thriving in life now. The one that has had so many bad days where another day was something I just couldn't think about. I'm so glad I made it past those days! Life is so much better on the other side of depression. You CAN win! Hop on the train with me and let's go Conquer this annoying thing called Depression and start Thriving in Life! Just as the sub-title says.

Subscribe/comment/bookmark, whatever makes you comfortable. My hope is to post 2-3 times each week. See you soon!

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