Some days just get darker and darker as they go. From a great down down down down until it’s not just the gray but turning black. Then you realize that you have to find a way out before it sucks you permanently into the blackness. Usually this happens to me at night when nobody knows that I’m going into the deepest depths of my depression. When it seems like the world would be so much better off without you. I am thankful that I see it and know what it is. If I didn’t I wouldn’t be here today or many other days when the depression tried so hard to pull me into the darkness.

What do you do when this happens?

What I do is look for something or even someone (if it’s not 2am) that I know will pull me out. This could be music, a sound track from YouTube, or the sweet giggle of a grandchild. Last night it was something new, an ASMR track on YouTube. It was strange but slowly helped pull me back to the gray and lightened it as I went. I still couldn’t sleep. Yup first full sleep started at 5am. That doesn’t work so well. But at least I wasn’t stuck in the darkness.

Just remember that if you need help and can’t pull yourself out of that darkness reach out for help. Call a friend or relative or call one of the mental health hotlines.

Thankful I was able to pull myself back. So thankful.